I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
