Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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