I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
