my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
