Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
