They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
