She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
