I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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