She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
