life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
