it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
