I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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