I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
