Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
