Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
