Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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