Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
