just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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