the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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