my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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