I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
