hotel room ftw
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
