i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
