An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
