i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
