thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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