I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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