then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
