Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
