normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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