The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
