This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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