pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
