yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
