im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
