I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
