You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
