Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
