I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
