ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
