Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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