I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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