I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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