There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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