so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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