We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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