Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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