i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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