you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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