I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
