She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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