I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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